Ever thought your first relationship would be easy? Think again. People have shared lessons from their first real relationships that will make you rethink everything you thought you knew about love. From Reddit’s AskReddit, user PhenomenalPancake asked the community: “What’s the most important thing you learned from your first relationship?” Buckle up—these lessons may just change your perspective on love forever.
1. “You Can Do Everything ‘Right,’ and They Might Still Cheat On You.”
Main-Yogurtcloset-82 delivered a gut-punch of a reality check: “You can be the perfect partner, or you can be the person who tracks their location, goes through their phones, shares social media, and forbids them from having friends of the opposite sex. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. Controlling behavior isn’t healthy. Now, I live by the mentality: ‘If they cheat, I leave, but there is nothing I can do to prevent it.’” This mindset can lift a huge weight off your shoulders, reminding you that trust is key in any relationship.
2. “Experience Isn’t Just Bedroom Skills—It’s About Communication”
Bames_Jond_69 shares a refreshing take: “Experience isn’t all just fancy moves in the bedroom; it’s learning how to balance your lives, being mindful of someone else’s needs, being a more effective communicator, and knowing in what ways you need to take care of yourself and how your partner can best help you.” Being a good partner is a skill that should be developed.
3. “Don’t Lower Your Standards Just Because You’re Lonely.”
Feeling lonely? Don’t let that guide your standards. Daelude warns, “Don’t lower your standards or tolerate awful behavior just because you’re horny or lonely.” You deserve better than making excuses for bad behavior. If they aren’t treating you how you want, walk away—you are worthy of respect.
4. Quality Time Is Essential—Don’t Let Resentment Build
According to Badger804, “Lack of quality time can slowly erode the relationship no matter how much you love each other and how many good times you have. It eventually leads to resentment, and that’s the absolute worst.” If you’re not prioritizing time together, your relationship could be on shaky ground.
5. “Love Alone Won’t Keep You Together.”
It might be heartbreaking to admit, but clap_yo_hands reminds us that, “You can love someone, and they can love you back, but it doesn’t mean things will work out.” Love is important, but compatibility, shared values, and life goals are just as crucial.
6. “Resolve Deal Breakers Early On”
flutterby228 learned the hard way: “You NEED to discuss and resolve your deal breakers. For me, it was that I didn’t want children, and he did. We both thought the other would change, and we were wrong. It’s hard to realize you’ve planned a life with someone only to have it taken away because of one very important thing.” Address the big issues before you get too deep.
7. “Just Because You Look Good Together Doesn’t Mean You Should Stay Together”
Don’t let external validation fool you. cantaketheskyfromme puts it bluntly: “Just because you look good together and everyone says you’re perfect for each other doesn’t mean you should ignore the negatives and stay together.” The opinions of others shouldn’t dictate your relationship.
8. “Your First Love Feels Like the Last, and Your Last Love Feels Like the First.”
This poetic truth from TheOriginalChode reminds us of the intensity of first love: “Your first love feels like the last, and your last love feels like the first.” First love teaches you lessons that you’ll carry with you, but your last love shows you what true love is.
9. “Never Having Disagreements Isn’t Always a Good Thing”
ImmigrationJourney2 shared this valuable insight: “Back then, I thought it was amazing how we would never disagree or argue, but then I realized that it was just because he wouldn’t communicate and lied about many things.” Communication, even through disagreements, is key to a healthy relationship.
10. “If You Can’t Be Your Authentic Self, It’s Not Worth It”
smershlee nails it: “I learned that it isn’t worth staying if you can’t be your authentic self. You’re only denying yourself true happiness.” Your happiness comes from being who you truly are—not pretending to be someone you’re not.
11. “Actions Speak Louder Than Words”
annalissebelle sums it up perfectly: “What they DO is more important than what they SAY they’ll do.” Pay attention to actions, not promises. Actions show commitment and character.
12. “The Honeymoon Phase Is Real, But It Doesn’t Last Forever”
Cbjmac warns us that “The honeymoon phase is real and needs to be passed to realize if you’re compatible with someone.” That initial bliss fades—then you’ll know if your relationship has what it takes to last.
13. “Beauty Is in the Eye of the Beholder”
blue_butterfly_1997 shares a beautiful sentiment: “He looked at me like I was the most beautiful girl in this world, no matter how many other prettier girls were around.” True love sees beyond physical appearance.
14. Gratitude Can Be a Game-Changer
vongolezio reflects on their own mistakes: “I look back and feel embarrassed about how arrogant I was while treating her as if I could take or leave her. Gratitude for what you have is crucial—don’t take love for granted.“
15. “Letting Go Can Be an Act of Love”
Sometimes, the hardest thing is to let go. rohit_raveendran reminds us that “Letting go is an act of love too.” Holding on to someone who isn’t right for you isn’t love—it’s fear of change.
16. Breakups Hurt, But They Don’t Mean You Made a Mistake
Just because a breakup hurts, doesn’t mean you were wrong. Important-Insect2301 shared: “Breakups hurt a lot, even if the person is 100% not meant for you. Pain is part of the process of moving on, not a sign of failure.“
17. “I Needed Someone to Challenge Me”
Ultimatelee admits, “Letting me have my way and agreeing with me all the time is exceptionally boring. I need someone to call me out.” A partner who challenges you keeps things interesting and helps you grow.
18. “‘I’m Sorry’ Doesn’t Fix Everything”
KayMay03 drops a truth bomb: “‘I’m sorry’ doesn’t fix everything, and it’s okay to love yourself more.” Apologies are important, but they don’t erase hurt.
19. Reflect on Yourself and How You Can Grow
Sometimes, it takes looking back to realize where you went wrong. Running_Is_Life confesses: “I lacked maturity in a lot of areas, though I didn’t learn that until years later after a lot of self-reflection.” Learning from past mistakes helps you grow.
20. “Always Have a Life Outside Your Relationship”
Your relationship should never be your whole life. Chubby_yummy gives us some sage advice: “Always have a life outside your relationship.” Keep your own interests and friendships—it’s healthy and necessary.
21. “Communication Is Everything”
catyhoneyx drives home the importance of communication: “You can’t just assume your partner knows what you’re thinking or feeling. Clear communication is the foundation of a strong relationship.”
22. “Learn to Be Comfortably Silent Together”
Comfort in silence is a sign of true closeness. Destroyer6202 highlights this with, “Learn to be comfortably silent with one another.” It means you’re truly at ease together.
23. “When They Show You Who They Are, Believe Them”
AdmAckbarCereal warns: “When they show you who they are, believe them.” Ignoring red flags only leads to bigger problems.
24. “Sometimes, Two Good People Just Aren’t Good Together”
ChapGod offers a sobering perspective: “Sometimes two good people can do bad things because they aren’t good for each other.” Compatibility matters just as much as kindness.
25. “You Can’t Change Someone”
Stop trying to mold your partner into what you want them to be. Hashashin455 is straightforward: “You CANNOT change someone to suit your preferences.” Accept them as they are, or move on.
26. “Respect Boundaries—They Aren’t Just Suggestions”
Establishing boundaries is vital. tinkafoo advises, “Have boundaries so you don’t get injured to a degree that you don’t recognize yourself. Don’t act on thoughts; instead, only act on what actually happened.” Boundaries help protect your emotional health and keep the relationship balanced.
27. “Know Who You Are—Before Getting Serious”
External-Marsupial13 emphasizes self-awareness: “Two people in a relationship need to know who they are separately so that nobody fully relies on the other person for their emotional needs.” A healthy relationship is built on two individuals who can stand on their own.
28. “If You Don’t Have Shared Goals, You’ll Never Reach Them”
BONEzone1432 sums up the importance of alignment: “If you do not have the same goals, you will never reach them. One person’s goals will overtake another’s, and you end up living your life as a never-ending game of tug-of-war.” When your dreams don’t align, it’s hard to build a future together.
29. “Be Transparent About Expectations—It Saves Heartache”
poekrel highlights the importance of being upfront: “Be transparent and forthcoming in your expectations, on both the giving and receiving ends.” Clear expectations prevent misunderstandings and make it easier to navigate challenges together.
30. “You’re Always Growing, and So Are They”
Growth is inevitable, but it doesn’t always mean you’ll grow together. tellatheterror reminds us: “You might feel like you know who you are and who they are, but there’s still so much growing you’ll both do. That can lead to growing apart, even if there’s still love there.” Embrace growth, even if it means parting ways.
31. “Relationships Shouldn’t Be All-Consuming”
ericaferrica shares a cautionary tale: “My whole life was my first relationship, and it bit me in the butt. It felt like the world was ending when that relationship ended. That’s not healthy. A relationship should improve each other, not be the sole source of happiness.” Make sure your life isn’t entirely wrapped around one person.
What’s Your Takeaway?
Now, you’ve read the lessons others have learned from their first real relationships—what about you? Did any of these resonate with your own experiences? Or do you have a story that others could learn from? Drop your thoughts in the comments below, and don’t forget to share this article with someone who might need a little relationship wisdom!
Remember: Love isn’t just about finding the right person, it’s about becoming the right person too. Keep learning, keep growing, and most importantly—keep loving, even if it means starting with yourself.
